IBS Trigger Foods #4: Mushrooms and Truffle Oil

So I was peer-pressured into eating mushrooms the other night.  …Not the psychedelic kind, but the normal ones you can buy at any grocery store.

Does this image disturb you like it does me?

Photo: 21 Food

Photo: 21 Food

While I have yet to describe the various types of diarrhea to expect with IBS (yes, the SEVERAL, various types), I think there’s a special one that happens with mushrooms and truffle oil.

Hokay, so… When I eat mushrooms or truffles, it starts like almost any IBS attack where first I get the rumblies in my belly and sometimes the sudden urge to get on my toilet and stay there a while.  Well, I was at a party so I held it in (which, by the way, you really shouldn’t do).

Then 1:30 a.m. rolls around and it feels like I’m going to puke out of my mouth and butthole at the same time.  (yes, that’s happened before).

Photo: Quickfasting

Photo: Quickfasting

So in between the time I ate the mushrooms and when I finally sat on the toilet, the truffles worked their stupid fairy magic on my stool and liquefied it into an acidic pulp.  What happens next is a combination between the “constipated diarrhea” and the half-liquid, half-soft stool — Muggle diarrhea, if you will — complete with farts you are convinced will push out vast amount of smelly shit but only contribute to the corrosiveness of the angry, truffle-infused waste.

So I lit a candle and had periods of pooping and periods where nothing happened, except the feeling of being kicked repeatedly in the abdomen, which is a common thread through this whole thing.  Then I felt I was completely done, and said, “ok, belly, you’re done now, going to sleep now.”  Five minutes later the urge happened again and I went through it all again, and again convinced I was done said, “okay, belly, that’s it.”  Luckily that truly was it, until 8 a.m., so at least I got a few hours of sleep in there.  And my butthole regenerated to handle the next acidic poop assault that’s sure to happen again.

Mushrooms and truffle oil were some of the most recent items I’ve put on the “DO NOT EAT” list.  I always try things multiple times, and I make sure there aren’t any other known triggers present in the food so I can properly “test” them.  Mushrooms and truffle oil ALWAYS lead to the above reaction.  I found out later that perhaps the reason why I have such a strong reaction to truffle oil is because it’s a laxative.  I already have diarrhea most of the time, so I don’t need any help in that area.

Photo: Bored Panda

Photo: Bored Panda

Hmm…turns out truffle oil is made from a petroleum product rather than actual truffles.  Whatever, let’s still lump mushrooms and truffle oil in the same boat.  They do the same thing to my intestines, so they both go on the naughty list!

Which is okay because mushrooms are gross.


IBS Trigger Foods #2: Too Much Fiber

May anyone who has ever been diagnosed with IBS see this post.

Your doctor probably said, “Eat more fiber” when you asked how to deal with your bowels of Hell.  Did you try to eat more fiber?  Did it work out for you?

Well, it didn’t work out for me.  And I was so confused because I did what the damn medical professional told me to do, so WHY IS MY BODY HOLDING ONTO STOOL FOR OVER FIVE DAYS?  I didn’t poop for nearly a week, I shit you not.

And when I did, I felt like I lost about a billion pounds, and I found bits of undigested “roughage,” as they like to call it.  Surely if it had been in my body that long, it would be somewhat broken down.  So I added “too much fiber” to my list of trigger foods.

And, NEW RULE.  I don’t eat anything that looks the same coming out as it did going in. Sounds simple, but it’s pretty effective.  I stopped eating peas (well, I never actually ate peas) and corn (that was a sad one to give up…those sweet buttery nuggets on the cob…mmm), and I started peeling my apples before eating the juicy, digestible flesh.

Medline Plus is telling me that insoluble fiber helps pass stool more quickly through the stomach.  But when you have IBS, all normal functions of the bowels can be turned all around, and perhaps the opposite will happen.  That stool sits in you until you become convinced you’re pregnant or you have a billionth cup of coffee and finally let it all fall out.

I do still eat things with lots of fiber, like beans and nuts, but I chew chew chew until it’s like baby food in my mouth before I swallow.  I mean, you obviously can’t get rid of fiber from your diet completely.  My trigger is too much fiber, and that’s the difference.  I avoid eating raw vegetables, especially leafy things like lettuce.  I remember thinking salads were safe foods, but then I’d get that pain all on the left side of my middle body that at one point had me convinced I had some form of cancer.  It’s not that I’m overly dramatic (obviously), but I was in that much pain.  I also don’t do things like oatmeal or granola because I swear my stomach just doesn’t digest it, and the end result just ain’t pretty.  The chick in the picture above looks too calm and comfortable, honestly, to accurately depict what too much fiber does to me.

There, that’s more like it.