IBS Trigger Foods #2: Too Much Fiber

May anyone who has ever been diagnosed with IBS see this post.

Your doctor probably said, “Eat more fiber” when you asked how to deal with your bowels of Hell.  Did you try to eat more fiber?  Did it work out for you?

Well, it didn’t work out for me.  And I was so confused because I did what the damn medical professional told me to do, so WHY IS MY BODY HOLDING ONTO STOOL FOR OVER FIVE DAYS?  I didn’t poop for nearly a week, I shit you not.

And when I did, I felt like I lost about a billion pounds, and I found bits of undigested “roughage,” as they like to call it.  Surely if it had been in my body that long, it would be somewhat broken down.  So I added “too much fiber” to my list of trigger foods.

And, NEW RULE.  I don’t eat anything that looks the same coming out as it did going in. Sounds simple, but it’s pretty effective.  I stopped eating peas (well, I never actually ate peas) and corn (that was a sad one to give up…those sweet buttery nuggets on the cob…mmm), and I started peeling my apples before eating the juicy, digestible flesh.

Medline Plus is telling me that insoluble fiber helps pass stool more quickly through the stomach.  But when you have IBS, all normal functions of the bowels can be turned all around, and perhaps the opposite will happen.  That stool sits in you until you become convinced you’re pregnant or you have a billionth cup of coffee and finally let it all fall out.

I do still eat things with lots of fiber, like beans and nuts, but I chew chew chew until it’s like baby food in my mouth before I swallow.  I mean, you obviously can’t get rid of fiber from your diet completely.  My trigger is too much fiber, and that’s the difference.  I avoid eating raw vegetables, especially leafy things like lettuce.  I remember thinking salads were safe foods, but then I’d get that pain all on the left side of my middle body that at one point had me convinced I had some form of cancer.  It’s not that I’m overly dramatic (obviously), but I was in that much pain.  I also don’t do things like oatmeal or granola because I swear my stomach just doesn’t digest it, and the end result just ain’t pretty.  The chick in the picture above looks too calm and comfortable, honestly, to accurately depict what too much fiber does to me.

There, that’s more like it.

She works hard for the stool…

Well, in actuality, if I have to work barely at all to pass stool out my bottom, I just wait a little while.  Drink some coffee, y’know?

w-Giant-Coffee-Cup75917So I was out to dinner with friends the other night, and my pal told us about the time she did the “Master Cleanse” diet and had poop literally peeing out of her ass.  Peeping, I believe she called it.  She explained how she just couldn’t keep it in and needed to be by the toilet at any moment…just in case.  She’s pretending like it’s a big deal, something totally crazy that she would never want to repeat.

hot-girl-on-toiletAnd I’m just sitting there thinking, that’s like an every week occurrence for me, even if I’ve been good on my diet.

And it dawns on me that my pooping routine isn’t normal.  It’s not normal to have feces just fall out of your body and sit in the toilet in one sloppy lump before they get flushed to the nether regions of sewage.  It’s not normal to be worried every time you fart it might not be just a fart…  And it’s not normal to think, surely that’s the last of what my body has left to offer to the waste gods, only to need to rush to the toilet three or four more times.  I don’t think I remember what it’s like anymore to have to really work to push the stool out.  Until those times I get constipated or eat too much fiber.  That’s when I take a bite of cheese or have a milkshake so I can let the feces flow like I’m used to.  Waste gods forbid I have to pass a hard piece of poop ever again.

I might have mentioned to my friends that such an “assplosion,” if you will, is somewhat commonplace for me, and they seemed to just smile and shrug it off.  Let this post be a sign of my solidarity for you, reader who has definitely been there.  Again and again.

I’d venture to say that loose stools are the least of my worries, so I’ve created my own norms, I suppose.  What is important is that I know I eat healthy (most of the time) and feel good about it.  What my body decides to do with it is just gravy (….literally).